Swhack FAQ

#swhack (patent denied) is an IRC channel on the Openprojects network, owned by Aaron Swartz, and frequented by co-loony luminaries Sean B. Palmer, et al.

Swhack, on the other hand, is an ephemeral mystical entity; it has a homepage, and a weblog. Swhack-nature is difficult to define. I once asked Aaron, in all seriousness, "does a dog have Swhack-nature?". Aaron retorted "shut up, you idiot!".

General Swhack Points

• Everything that you say on #swhack is logged instantly and persistently to the Web. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a Google search. We cannot be held responsible if Swhack destroys any glimmer of hope for a future political career.
• "You're a bot!" Many swhackers are actually just bots, used for various channel-keeping functions. They will chat politely with you if you treat them kindly, and tend to make more sense than the more sentient beings in the channel.
• There will usually be someone on the channel to chat with you. If you enter, and no one talks to you within ten minutes, we're probably all sitting there laughing.
• We're a bunch of pernickety pedants, prudes, nitpickers, quibblers, hemotilists, and literary teratologists. So deal with it. However, we don't mind if you get your grammar or spelling too wrongly, since we're all fairly laid back, easy going people. Except for xena. But anyway, just remember that everything that you say is being logged.
• If in doubt, speak softly and carry a beagle.

The Swhack charter was laid down in part by Morbus Iff on 2002-04-25 (it was just anarchy before then): proper usage instructions! keep away from children! do not drink while standing up! improper use of /me is frowned upon! and finally, repetitive bot abusage is grounds for dismissal! Please also make sure that you delete any tree files that you may have on your computer before joining the channel.

Swhack Topics

Practically everything is on-topic for Swhack. It's the "off-topic is on-topic" channel. However, we ask that you keep within the normal boundaries of taste and tolerance. Try lurking or reading the logs (every single line) before shouting your mouth off and looking like a xoot.

As for the channel topic itself, anyone can set it since we don't have draconian +t measures to thwart our enemies. However, the topic is integral to the very essence of swhack (for example, it is used at the heading of our multi-award winning Weblog), so if you're going to change it, it had better be good. No "||" or "::" junk: this isn't #infoanarchy.

What kind of people frequent Swhack?

Sysadmins, bots, programmers, hobos, artists, writers, bots, ex-pilots, old people, young people, students, chairpeople.

Swhack-culture is a funny thing. We're a tightly knit community, but fairly diverse. There are often people lurking on the channel whose identity is a total mystery. The odds are ten to one that they're spies for some kind of government security agency (NSA, perhaps).

What kind of people are unwelcome on Swhack?

No one is unwelcome as such... but some people are bound to get on with us more than others. If we don't like you, we'll tell you. If you annoy us, we'll tell you. If you persist in annoying us, we'll toss you out.

In general, we always try to get on with people, no matter what their backgrounds, but the following kinds of people are kinda frowned upon: crackers, spammers, professional Java programmers, Barry Manilow fans, rich people, poor people, people who say "dude" too much, people with typing impedmients, PEOPLE WITH STICKY CAPS LOCK KEYS, anybody with an "x" in their name, anybody who replies "bwahahahahahahahahahahahaha!@!@!@!" to really lame jokes, and anyone that uses the word "lame".

Forbidden Stuff

You shall not...

• Fuck with someone's quote deely. When someone types "[[[", you will remain quiet whilst the quote is pasted, and resume talking only when the complimantary "]]]" is entered. Violating this rule is equivalent to getting up on the table during a board meeting and waving your bare arse in the air.
• Abuse /me. Actions are actions; if in doubt, check the nature of the first word in the /me phrase: if it's a verb, then you're probably safe, unless be you a Swartz-esque extremist.
• Immanentize the eschaton. Whilst the Swhack alphas recognize this to be a contentious point, and whilst the religious community have all but abandoned the previously prevalent debate on the topic, swhack is an antiquated and anachronistic culture where immanentizing the eschaton is still greatly frowned upon.
• Quote with citelessness impunity. Provide sources!

Useful Hints and Tidbits

• Try writing in the present tense. This can give a sense of urgency and direction to your otherwise incoherant ramblings, and endear the simple folk of the channel to you.
• If you bork a vital swhackbot (e.g. the chump bot), you must quickly recite the sub-incantation "Morbus Iff, O fellow man, stop Aaron thwapping me, if you can!" three times into the channel, spit on your ceiling (or on a nearby tree if entertaining yourself in a forest), and then drop your pants or trousers, depending on whether you're wearing any, and from what side of the pond you come from.
• Should a netsplit occur, don't panic. Don't shout at lilo. Simply recover the swhack logs to find out what (if any) server the logging bot has joined, and follow it like the little puppy dog that you should be.
• We do not endorse any kinds of drugs. Should you accidentally ingest caffeine before entering the channel, we suggest that you boil up a pot of warm milk, and keep drinking until you have sucessfully come down. Typing into a logged channel whilst under the influence of caffiene is not recommended.
• The same goes for when you have some kind of fever, as the author found out. You do not want to start ranting about mirrors and their habits when on a logged channel that any future employers can read.
• Should one of the members of the channel start virtually humping your leg, do not be alarmed. This is simply Morbus. To get him to retreat, it is usually a simple matter of typing "/nick Jack/Bob/Fred", and then pretending to be male. If this fails, consult the Morbus Manual, page 365, "Calming Your Morbus Iff (TM) in case of Overstimulation".
• Smart-arsey in-jokes are like little beams of sunshine in an otherwise cloudy channel, and references to obscure, esoteric, or simply outdated material are welcomed with open arms.

Other Boring Stuff

How is "swhackfaq" pronounced?

swack-eff-ay-kyoo.

Wouldn't it be funnier if it were pronounced as swack-fak?

Yes.

Does #swhack have any relations?

It's an IRC channel. You work it out.

I thought #swhack was the channel, and Swhack was the mystical entity thing?

If you give a flying gnat's testicle about silly little things like that, then you'll fit in just fine.